Okay, fine. Technically I’m Bonn-bound, not Cologne-bound. But I’m BEGINNING the trip in Cologne, so…there you go.
Okay, FINE. Technically I’m beginning the trip in Frankfurt, not Cologne. And technically I’m barely going to be in Cologne at all. BUT BEN FOLDS DID NOT WRITE A SONG ABOUT BONN OR FRANKFURT GUYS. So this entry is titled “Cologne-Bound,” and if anyone has a problem with that, well, sucks to your ass-mar.
(“Sucks to your ass-mar” is a Lord of the Flies allusion that only my sister and brother will get. I really wish more people were familiar with it, because then everyone would understand that it’s a pretty great comeback in almost any situation. And also, then more people would have read Lord of the Flies, which is a phenomenal book.)
Anyway. The point is, I’m going to Germany on June 4. I will be flying into Frankfurt (with a stopover in Reykjavik), taking a train to Cologne, and then taking a train to Bonn, where I will spend a week working in our Bonn office and probably also drinking with colleagues. (Not at the same time! Don’t worry.) This will surely be fantastic, except for the uncomfortable miscommunications that will inevitably occur. Because, here’s the thing, I am REALLY GOOD at miscommunicating with some of my German colleagues. EXAMPLE! The other day I jokingly emailed one of them with the subject line “REALLY IMPORTANT QUESTION” and demanded to know whose office I would be sharing in Bonn. This was a joke! Obviously this is not a really important question AT ALL. Unfortunately, it caused a flurry of activity involving three other people, until the question of offices was firmly and officially resolved weeks in advance of when it actually needed to be. I can only assume this was accomplished at the expense of signing several incredibly important titles, and thus resulting in a significant loss of revenue. Wow! Good job, me. Also, the solution to the office situation is so complicated that I don’t even understand it. Someone’s moving for some days, and someone else is moving for other days, and then I’m moving, and then Florian’s desk is going in the basement.
THAT IS OBVIOUSLY A JOKE ABOUT THE BASEMENT but seriously I really do not understand the seating arrangements.
Anyway, once THAT enormous problem was resolved, I joked about how I was really excited to use this weird machine they have that carbonates water (seriously! that is a thing they have in the Bonn office!), and told my colleague that if it is really as great as I am imagining (WILL IT FIX FLAT COKE?!) then I guess I will probably never go back to Boston. He didn’t actually respond to that email, so I can only assume that he thought I was asking if I could move in with him and his wife and child, and is currently pondering ways to let me down gently. Either that, or is very busy constructing a third bedroom in his apartment.
The point is, my German colleagues and I make each other miserable, and we should probably not be allowed to talk to each other ever.