Chuck Grassley Wins Twitter

Sometimes in the middle of the night I have weird ideas that seem GREAT, but then I wake up and realize that they are not at all great. One of these ideas was to create a full blog entry out of EVERY SINGLE TWEET I HAVE EVER TWEETED. This idea is, needless to say, ridiculous – and not even because the prospect of turning 140 characters into a blog entry seems difficult. (I’m pretty verbose.) Actually, it’s the sheer volume of tweets that make it an impossible task; to date: 1741.

So, that idea was quickly abandoned upon the light of morn. BUT, its death gave way to an even greater (not hard!) idea: devote a blog entry to extolling the virtues of Twitter. Are you a person reading my blog who is considering opening a Twitter account? THEN THIS BLOG ENTRY IS FOR YOU.

Without further ado, here are some great things about Twitter:

1. It will make you laugh. Of course, you have to follow the right people. Do you need to know who the right people are? Probably you should ask me, then. But, @pourmecoffee is a good start.

2. It will keep you informed. As made clear in my previous entry about Vegas: IT IS PRETTY QUICK TO TWEET SOMETHING. The point is, people break news on Twitter, faster they can write an article or a press release. Follow journalists.

3. Twitter proves that famous people are stupid. Look, I hate to make generalizations, but that’s pretty much what Twitter has taught me. Do you want to feel smart? Read Kim Kardashian’s Twitter account. Okay, FINE, I don’t actually know if Kim Kardashian has a Twitter account, NOR DO I KNOW WHO KIM KARDASHIAN IS, but I still think I’m probably right.

Okay, I grow tired of listing stuff. There’s more, but I’m just going to skip to the real reason everyone should join Twitter: DECIPHERING CHUCK GRASSLEY’S TWEETS PREVENTS ALZHEIMER’S. This is not actually my joke, BUT SERIOUSLY IT MIGHT BE TRUE. Chuck Grassley is one of the senators from Iowa. Here are some of his tweets.

  • #99CountyTour #ethanol only came up peripherly. Estate tax EPAdust 50 people at Lake City a city wo a lake

That is not how you spell “peripherally.”

  • If u r interestd in policy change in Wisconsin the nxt political test is whether a conservative SCt jurist wil b retand

There are plenty of characters left in this tweet to spell out all the words. Also, “retand” looks extremely similar to “retard.”

  • Tues is Natl Ag Day celebrating Am farming Hopefully city people appreciate the Family Farmer Cows give milk not botls

It legitimately took me several minutes to decipher this. “Is ‘Family Farmer Cows’ an association? Do city people actually give cows bolts?” Then I figured it out.

  • In 1949 we askd “Who lost China?” In a few weeks we will ask “Who lost Lybia?”

Or, “Who knows how to spell Libya?”

  • Saturday nite church for me this wkend bc of daylite savings time I mite b 1hr late sun service

I’m sorry. My brain just exploded.

People VOTE FOR THIS MAN, guys.

Join Twitter.

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This entry was posted in Rightwing dickwads, Twitter is awesome and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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