I like babies. I’m not saying I don’t like babies. Babies are cute. In fact, there was a baby in front of me at CVS the other day (her mother was there too, don’t worry), and we became best friends. She had on cupcake pajamas, and she was carrying an Eeyore doll. Our several-minute exchange involved a heartfelt discussion about which Pooh character was the best. At first she said Eeyore, but then she stared at the ceiling for a minute and said Tigger, and then she wrinkled her brow and said Piglet. It’s okay, I get it! It’s hard to choose. In fact, I just typed that my favorite character is Owl, then erased it and typed that actually it is Pooh. I LIKE ALL THE CHARACTERS OKAY?
So. Babies are cute. BUT BABY SHOWERS ARE REALLY WEIRD. I know this because I am on an email list of people planning a baby shower. Here are some phrases that have been tossed around: “diaper cake,” “baby word scramble,” “baby bingo,” and – my personal favorite – “chocolate that has been melted into diapers.” I can’t even begin to imagine what any of these would entail, except for the last one, AND I DON’T WANT TO IMAGINE THAT. On the plus side, being on this email chain is allowing me to witness passive-aggressive fights between the grandmothers to be. In multi-colored text, no less! As far as I can determine, purple means “I’m getting mildly irritated,” and red means “I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR FACE OFF.” There does not appear to be any in-betweens. I think I might break in with some teal, just to see what happens.
It’s Pooh, I’ve decided. Because he likes honey and I like honey, and because he rightfully observed that “You never can tell with bees.” Which is a truism if I’ve ever heard one.